Customer Service for Idiots

I once worked as a lifeguard for an independent company that contracted with local hotels that needed to staff their pools. In my state there is a law that if a pool is open for “public” use then there must be a life guard on duty. This particular pool was a dinky little thing on the second floor of a DoubleTree Inn. The patio was entirely enclosed in glass, even the swinging doors to the breezeway that led to the hotel proper. The pool itself was small. I was used to guarding large park pools that were at least 25 yards wide and 75 yards long. This pool was barely 5 yards wide and 10 yards long. It was one and a half feet deep...

The Once and Future Spades Champ

So my college had a spades tournament. My daddy taught me that the only thing you have to bring to a spades table is trash talk. If you are faint of heart or timid of nature you should not sit down at a spades table. Do not even pull out the chair because you are going to get hurt. It’s a mind game – you gotta talk, and you gotta be able to ignore all the other talk. Ask notadoctor – shes no good at spades because she can only trash talk people over the internet. If there is a list of things that I am good at, though, talking is surely at the top of it. I ended up missing the first day of my college’s spades...

The Plan

In which Flashback Dan meets the man with the plan.

Weddin Bails Dayun U...

It’s a beautiful day for a wedding – after contract negotiations of course.

The Foot Oversight

Butting heads about touching feet.

Just add fresh orega...

I know how to party on a budget – not that anyone asked.

Catch and Release

In which Flashback Dan engages the local wildlife.


Never let it be said I didn’t try to be helpful.

I think that’s...

I think I will let my cat take care of this one.

Let Me Slither into ...

The other day our public affairs manager DG popped up at my desk and told me that he wanted me to attend a photo shoot. So imagine my shock and confusion when this shows up in my inbox: